At The Motherhood Center, we often hear the same question from new parents:
Why didn’t anyone tell me it would feel like this?
The truth is, early parenthood is not just a life change. It’s a profound physical and psychological transition. Even the most prepared parents can find themselves struggling in ways that surprise them. And struggling during this time is far more common than most people realize.
At The Motherhood Center, we work with pregnant and postpartum mothers/birthing people every day. And if there is one thing we wish every new parent understood, it’s this:
You can be deeply self-aware, well-supported, and emotionally prepared and still struggle after having a baby.
That is not a failure. That is the reality of this transition.
The Myth of Being “Prepared”
Many of the mothers/birthing people we treat look, on paper, like they should be “fine.” They’ve done therapy. They understand themselves. They have strong relationships and support systems.
And yet, they are often the most surprised when they find themselves overwhelmed, anxious, or not feeling like themselves after their baby arrives.
There is a pervasive belief that if you have “done the work,” you will be protected from the harder parts of parenthood. But becoming a parent is not just a life event; it is an identity transformation, often referred to as matrescence.
What Is Matrescence?
Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother, and it’s more than adjusting to life with a baby. It’s a major shift in your body, brain, identity, and relationships.
Often compared to adolescence, matrescence is a time of hormonal change, emotional ups and downs, and identity transformation, but it’s rarely talked about or normalized.
For many mothers/birthing people, it can feel like a simultaneous unraveling and rebuilding. You might feel deep love and connection while also feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or unlike yourself. This doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means this transition is significant.
Understanding matrescence helps shift the question from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What support do I need right now?”
Sleep, Mental Health, and Getting Support
One of the most underestimated parts of early parenthood is sleep deprivation and how deeply it impacts mental health.
This isn’t just about feeling tired. When sleep is consistently disrupted, your ability to regulate emotions, manage stress, and feel like yourself can start to shift. What might have once felt manageable can begin to feel overwhelming. And yet, many mothers/birthing people believe they should be able to push through it.
At The Motherhood Center, we see the opposite. We see that when sleep is supported, mental health often improves. And when it isn’t, everything can feel harder.
This is why support matters, and why it can take many forms. For some, it’s having help with nighttime care or more structured sleep strategies. For others, it’s therapy, community, or medication.
Medication, in particular, can be an important and effective tool for many mothers/birthing people. Needing it does not mean you’ve done something wrong or that you haven’t tried hard enough; it means you are paying attention to your mental health and responding to it with care.
Needing help, whether it's an extra set of hands, emotional support, or medications, is not a sign of failure. It’s a reflection of how much this transition asks of you and how important it is that you don’t go through it alone.
What We Wish You Knew
We wish more mothers/birthing people knew that struggling during this time is not a sign that something is necessarily wrong.
We wish you knew that support is not something you have to earn, it’s something you deserve.
We wish you knew that this transition can feel disorienting, even when it is deeply desired.
And most of all, we wish you knew this: You are not alone in feeling this way. And you do not have to go through it alone.
Because when a mother/birthing person feels better, everything around them begins to feel better, too.
Join ParentCo. for our upcoming webinar with The Motherhood Center and Tiny Transitions, where we’ll continue this conversation and talk honestly about what we wish we knew before becoming parents, and how to find support when you need it.
We can't wait to see you there.
